


The Methods We Do Best

by rottingly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, kenma is also bad at emotions, kuroo is still trash and bad at emotions, tags will update as the fic updates, this is not a well planned out fic i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2047686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rottingly/pseuds/rottingly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma's people skills are lacking, but his observational skills are not... except in one area. In which Kuroo saves Kenma, Kenma tries and fails to save Kuroo, and both practice their acting skills.</p>
<p>(or: fake dating kuroken because the author is trash and loves this dumb trope and stupid ship)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Methods We Do Best

Kuroo stretched as he stepped out of Coach Naoi’s office. He felt bad about making Kenma wait, but there was some important business about possible future practice matches with Karasuno that had to be taken care of. Kuroo glanced down the hallway and spotted his friend sitting on a bench, talking to a girl Kuroo recognized as one of the second years. Or rather, it would probably be more accurate to say that the girl was talking at Kenma. He was giving Kuroo an utterly perplexed look as he approached the bench, clearly not knowing what to do about the girl, who continued to talk despite Kenma’s ineptitude for conversation. Kuroo appraised the situation. It looked like the girl was trying to hit on Kenma, who was neither interested nor equipped to politely extract himself from the situation.

“I have to go…” Kuroo heard Kenma mutter as he gestured jerkily at his friend. Kuroo sighed quietly, watching the girl bounce quickly to her feet. He was certain a simple excuse like that wouldn’t work on such an enthusiastic girl.

“Oh! Okay,” the girl replied cheerfully, “then can I have your number so we can talk later?” Yeah, he knew it. Kenma shot him a desperate look. Kuroo smirked in return. It seemed he’d have to save his friend.

Flashing his most brilliant smile, Kuroo sidled up to Kenma and draped his arm easily across the boy’s slim shoulders. Kenma didn’t pull away, but Kuroo felt a slight flinch. Well, if he wanted to get out of this, he’d have to put up with it. “Hey babe,” he said, amused by Kenma’s expression as he looked up at him. He looked like a cornered cat. “You ready to go?” he continued.

The girl caught on quickly. “Wait. Are you two…?” she asked, gesturing between the two of them.

“Dating? Yes.” Kuroo answered smoothly. He ignored the jab Kenma gave him in his side in lieu of asking what Kuroo was thinking, and instead responded by pulling him closer to him in lieu of saying he’d explain later.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he was taken!” she replied, inclining her head toward Kenma in apology but still retaining her bubbliness. Kuroo couldn’t help but like her, he appreciated her sincerity.

Kuroo laughed. “No harm done.” He extended his hand. “I’m Kuroo, and you are…?”

The girl took his hand and shook it firmly. “Kobayashi.” She started gathering her things. “I should probably get going too. Nice to meet you, Kuroo! See you around, Kenma!”

Kenma waited until she rounded the corner to slip out from under Kuroo’s arm, shooting him a look Kuroo interpreted as “What the hell, Kuroo.” He shrugged in response.

“Hey, it worked,” he pointed out, walking toward the door and waiting for Kenma to follow. “I don’t think she’ll try to hit on you again,” he continued as he held the door open for his friend. Kenma was already back to playing games on his phone. Kuroo shook his head and grabbed Kenma’s free hand, guiding him around obstacles on the walk home the same way he had for the last two years. A thought came to Kuroo’s head and he smiled. Squeezing Kenma’s hand to get his attention, he said, “Kobayashi would probably get along great with Shouyou, huh?” Kuroo thought he saw a little grin curve the ends of Kenma’s mouth.

* * *

Neither of them brought up the Kobayashi incident again until a few days later. This time, it was Kuroo waiting for Kenma. He was standing outside the gym after practice as Kenma finished changing when two girls from his physics class walked up and asked for help on the homework for tomorrow. Kuroo wracked his brain. He had no memory of being assigned homework for tomorrow. Honestly, he’d been asleep for most of the class, it was a miracle he even remembered roll call. Kuroo told the girls as much, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as the girls teased him about losing his honor roll standings. He laughed uncomfortably, about to make a retort, when out the corner of his eye he saw Kenma approaching quickly.

Kuroo’s greeting was cut off by Kenma looping his arm stiffly through Kuroo’s. Looking down, Kuroo could see a harsh blush starting on Kenma’s cheeks. “Time to go home…” Kenma started. Kuroo watched him struggle to finish his sentence with concern. “...babe.” The pink on Kenma’s cheeks exploded to a full tomato red.

Whatever Kuroo was expecting, it was not that. The idea of Kenma ever saying such a thing was so bizarre, he was still considering whether he should slap himself to see if he was actually awake as he bid his classmates a vague goodbye. He heard them giggle and whisper as Kenma slipped his hand into Kuroo’s. He made a mental note to do damage control later and turned his attention to Kenma. Right now, he was the more pressing matter. Kuroo could feel how tense he was next to him. At least, he thought he felt how tense he was. The surreality of the situation was still pretty pervasive.

Well real or not, Kuroo scolded himself, the poor boy’s face was still an alarming shade of red, so unlike the usual smooth cream tone of his cheeks. Kuroo was worried he would burst a blood vessel. Once they were a good distance away from the girls, Kuroo turned to Kenma and placed a bracing hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Kenma gave Kuroo a confused look shot through with mild irritation. “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?”

Now Kuroo was confused. “Yeah, I-- Why… Why would I not be?” He watched the flush start to recede from Kenma’s face.

“Those girls were making you uncomfortable, right?” Kenma furrowed his brow slightly, glancing away in a distracted manner. “So I helped you. Like you helped me.” When Kuroo didn’t respond, Kenma added, “With Kobayashi.”

Oh god, it all made sense now. Kuroo couldn’t help but laugh even though, poor Kenma, his humiliation had all been for nothing. His hand dropped from his friend’s soldier and moved to stifle the noise escaping his mouth. Kenma looked up at him sharply, annoyed. “What?”

Kuroo got his laughter under control. “Kenma,” he said gently, “those girls weren’t hitting on me.”

The flush returned in full force. Kuroo observed the color in Kenma’s cheeks shoot past the usual tomato and fire engine reds straight to a ruddy wine tone. “Oh god,” Kenma groaned, hiding his face behind his fingers.

Kuroo pulled the smaller boy to his chest and patted his head comfortingly. There was a steady stream of sound issuing out from behind Kenma’s palms. He was muttering rapidly, berating himself for not paying closer attention and making an ass of himself. Kuroo decided it would be best to just wait for Kenma to calm down, gently playing with his bleach blond hair until then. At last, he stopped his self deprecating one sided conversation and pulled away. The deep red of his cheeks was reduced to a light pink, though his mouth was still set in a somber line.

Hoping to lighten up the mood, Kuroo cracked a grin. “Though you know,” he teased, “if I really did need saving, you wouldn’t be much help.” Kenma scowled and kicked the side of Kuroo’s foot lightly.

“What does that mean?” Kenma’s tone was curt, and Kuroo could tell he’d only elected to ignore the incident and worry over it later when he was alone rather than deal with it now, but he decided to humor him.

“What it means,” Kuroo said, playfully nudging Kenma’s foot in return, “is that you could use some practice.” He punctuated this with a smirk and leaned heavily into the wall behind him.

Kenma tilted his head gently to the side. At this new angle, the sunlight caught his bleached hair like a halo. “What do you mean, ‘practice’? How would I practice?”

Kuroo shrugged. “I dunno.” He hummed thoughtfully. “Well, you’re observant, right? Except when it comes to flirting, I guess.” (this earned him another kick, this time carefully aimed at the hard bone of his ankle.) “Ow! Hey! Anyway, you’re good at observing people, you know what couples look like. So… maybe pretend we’re a couple right now. What would other people be seeing?”

Kenma considered Kuroo’s words. Kuroo watched the thoughts churn behind his cat-like eyes as he waited for a response. Suddenly, Kenma’s eyes snapped up to Kuroo’s. “Maybe something like this?”

He stepped quickly into the space between Kuroo’s legs, eyes dropping to follow his hands as they slid over Kuroo’s hips and up to fist themselves loosely in his shirt. Kuroo stopped breathing. He felt his heart pick up speed as Kenma pressed a palm to his abdomen and lazily stroked his thumb over Kuroo’s shirt. Heat burned at his cheeks. He glanced down at Kenma and saw a small smile curving his lips. That little sneak, he must know what kind of reaction he was getting from Kuroo, and he was enjoying it.

Then Kenma looked up, eyes all innocent, and asked, “Did I do that right?” voice fragile with concern. A single thought rose above the overwhelming pounding of Kuroo’s heart.

_Oh shit,_ it said, _he’s cute._

**Author's Note:**

> AHAHahaha I'm so sorry. I think this is the longest fic I've ever written?? And it's just this chapter so far. Sorry if the pacing or anything is weird, I'm not a very experienced writer. Also I only have a vague idea of where this fic is going I'm trash.
> 
> If anyone would be interested in helping me improve my writing, I'm in the market for a beta! You can contact me at actualnerdtrash.tumblr.com. Constructive criticism is also appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more trash cats being idiots about their emotions.
> 
> Oh also, if anyone was curious the title is (kind of) a line from Shiver Shiver by Walk the Moon.


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